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Twitter Time Again!
#21
https://www.yahoo.com/news/25-tweets-mar...14735.html

25 Tweets About Married Life That Are Hilariously Accurate
My favorite

"Relationship status: I must be the authority because my wife always questions me."
[-] The following 1 user Likes Prospector's post:
  • susnus
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#22
Love this stuff.
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If I don't answer when you talk to me or about me, that's likely because I have you on ignore.  Try to PM me. It won't let you PM me if I have you on ignore. There are other people, not members, who peruse this site. I want THEM to know why I don't reply to everyone who talks to or about me.
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#23
Big Grinundefinedrob HELLiott @rockymomax
ME: we’re not getting any younger. the decisions we make now will affect our future
WIFE: *holding phone to chest* do you want guac or not4:56 PM - Oct 15, 2017

Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin
Civil disobedience is patriotic 
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#24
gonorrhea would’ve been a good name for a diarrhea medicine

* * *
[creating the Octopus]
Angel: How about a spider in a wetsuit?
God: Weird but I like it. Make it edible.

* * *
GOD: i'm going to tell you the name by which you may call me throughout all generations
MOSES: no way
GOD: yahweh

* * *
Shania Twain's real name is "Samantha Clemens"

* * *
spelling bee judge: your word is respect
me: can you use it in...a song?
spelling bee judge: nice try

* * *
Me: I need a doctor's appointment
Receptionist: Ok [checks bookings] how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: No I don't need that many
Load me into a cannon & shoot me into the sun! - Dow Joans
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#25
Those are great! Big Grin
Civil disobedience is patriotic 
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#26
Me: I need a doctor's appointment

Receptionist: Ok [checks bookings] how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: No I don't need that many

Okay, I've laughed OUT LOUD now so I can go back to reading my book. Thanks!  Smile
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I don't answer when you talk to me or about me, that's likely because I have you on ignore.  Try to PM me. It won't let you PM me if I have you on ignore. There are other people, not members, who peruse this site. I want THEM to know why I don't reply to everyone who talks to or about me.
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#27
My husband gets so mad when I introduce him as my first husband.

* * *
"My mind was changed by a bumper sticker" - No One Ever

* * *
Not one time in any of the 'Fast and Furious' movies did they stop for some gas.

* * *
[spelling bee]
Moderator: Your word is spider.
Contestant: Use it in a sentence, please.
Moderator: A spider has eight eyes.
Contestant: [smiling] Spider, S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R

* * *
Ccustomer: I'd like to take some money from my account, please.
Bank Teller:  Withdrawl?
Customer:  Ah'd lahk to take some muhney from mah account, puhlease.

* * *
French guy (showing me his yachts): This is Un. This is Deux. This is Trois. This is Quatre. This is Six.
Me: Where's the 5th?
FG: Cinq.
Load me into a cannon & shoot me into the sun! - Dow Joans
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#28
People here are wondering why I'm laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I don't answer when you talk to me or about me, that's likely because I have you on ignore.  Try to PM me. It won't let you PM me if I have you on ignore. There are other people, not members, who peruse this site. I want THEM to know why I don't reply to everyone who talks to or about me.
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