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Humor Arrr Arrr!
#1
UNDER THE STREET - Some humor for your pre-holiday mid-November days
offered under yo' mama

Here are some nyuks & yuks for ya.  Have you heard any good jokes lately?



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The rock & roll concepts of a highway to hell & a stairway to heaven say a lot about the anticipated traffic load.

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Deceased politicians are usually buried at a depth of more than twenty feet because deep down they're really nice people.

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Farting in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

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Frick: I adopted a blind baby fawn from the wildlife sanctuary.
Frack: Aw, that's nice.  What's its name?
Frick: No eye deer.

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What's the diff between roast beef & pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef.

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Frick: After sex, do you talk much with your spouse?
Frack: If I can find a telephone.
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#2
Love it. Already passed it on elsewhere.
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#3
''Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening.'' - Bill Clinton

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My girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her.  Or something like that ...

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I'm not saying your cologne is too strong, but the canary was alive before you got here.

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I was outvoted 1 to 1 by my wife again.

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"No, thanks.  I'm a vegetarian," is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.

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I want to go to IKEA, hide inside a wardrobe and, when some opens it, yell, "Welcome to Narnia!"

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My buddy set me up on a blind take & said, "Just a little heads up, she's expecting a baby."  I felt a little awkward waiting at the bar wearing only a diaper.   
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#4
My buddy set me up on a blind take & said, "Just a little heads up, she's expecting a baby."  I felt a little awkward waiting at the bar wearing only a diaper.   


That has to be one of the funniest things I've ever read. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I don't answer when you talk to me or about me, that's likely because I have you on ignore.  Try to PM me. It won't let you PM me if I have you on ignore. There are other people, not members, who peruse this site. I want THEM to know why I don't reply to everyone who talks to or about me.
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#5
Things you can say both during sex and at Thanksgiving dinner:
* * *
It's so moist!
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Help yourself to the giblets.
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Wow, I'm stuffed!
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I really like this dark meat.
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This would be better with some whipped cream.
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Let's do this again next year!
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Wow! That was fast. How 'bout seconds?
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That sure is a flaky crust.
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We should've invited the neighbors.
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Wow!  You have a bottomless pit!
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That sure is a nice looking spread.
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#6
A husband and wife who worked for the circus went to an adoption agency. The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.

The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot motor home, which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.

"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.

Then the social workers expressed concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

"Our nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.

The social workers were finally satisfied.  They asked, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?

"It doesn't really matter... as long as the kid fits in the cannon.
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#7
nyuk nyuk nyuk~~  I should wake up each morning to this kind of thread. Start the day with a smile and a laugh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I don't answer when you talk to me or about me, that's likely because I have you on ignore.  Try to PM me. It won't let you PM me if I have you on ignore. There are other people, not members, who peruse this site. I want THEM to know why I don't reply to everyone who talks to or about me.
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#8
   

Just in case that's too small to read, the description says:

R.C. Massicote (b. 2011)
Interrupted House, 2017

Marker on latex paint

Gifted to his parents by surprise, November 12th
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#9
One of our houses had some surprise art once too. I wanted to cut it out in a square and keep it but that didn't go over well with the guy who had to fix it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I don't answer when you talk to me or about me, that's likely because I have you on ignore.  Try to PM me. It won't let you PM me if I have you on ignore. There are other people, not members, who peruse this site. I want THEM to know why I don't reply to everyone who talks to or about me.
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#10
Two Eskimos were offshore fishing when they got really cold, so they started a fire in their water craft.  The flames caught the boat on fire & it sank, proving you can't have your kayak & heat it, too.

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I bet on a horse at ten to one.  It finally finished the race at a quarter past four.

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My ex-spouse fell into a wishing well, and here I thought those things didn't really work.

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Two TV antennae fell in love & got married.  The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was outstanding.
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